The holiday season comes and goes each year, and in the chaos of multiple visits to relatives' homes, the driving all over creation, and the chance to start anew at the beginning of another year, I often forget that my birthday will soon be here. It isn't until we're a few days into the new year and I remember an ex-boyfriend's birthday, or have cause to write the date on a piece of paper, that I realize it's a new year. That means that I have three weeks to figure out what to do for my birthday.
Each year, I've tried to pull together some kind of gathering. Not one for big, noisy parties as a general rule -- though they have their time and place -- I usually have a few friends over sometime around my birthday. We eat, we hang out, and one year, we even watched the Super Bowl to celebrate. I spent my tenth birthday at a local roller skating rink with ten of my friends, while my thirtieth birthday was taken up with yoga, meditation, writing, and staring at the stars while at Kripalu.
My thirty-second year was a remarkable one, with the news that I was pregnant again, shortly after having miscarried. That ended with a healthy little girl who is two months old today and a total delight. I also received news that a poetry collection I had submitted to a contest had placed as a semifinalist, meaning that I was offered publication. I find myself fortunate to still be gainfully employed given the economic challenges that our country faces. It also turns out that, although I still find myself feeling pangs of loneliness in my day-to-day life, I am not as alone in the world as I have often worried that I am.
I am fortunate, and I am blessed.
When I think of all of this, I find myself full of gratitude. It lifts my heart and causes me to consider what had to happen for me to get to this place in my life. Much of it has had to do with being willing to see what is good and wonderful and beautiful in life, rather than overfocusing on what is difficult or painful. This doesn't mean ignoring the difficult pieces of life. It only means giving the places in life that are challenging just as much attention as is necessary, and not a bit more.
I've decided that, for my thirty-third birthday, a few friends will come over as they do each year to hang out, eat ice cream, and talk about intense and thorny topics, like religion and politics. When they go home, though, I have another year facing me, so I am committing myself to 33 Acts of Kindness over the next...well, however long it takes, but no longer than a year. They can be big or small, but it won't be the same thing over and over. For example, I won't be counting "let a car pull out in front of me on Pleasant Street during rush hour" more than once.
This was an idea I had unbridled enthusiasm about when I thought of it in the car on my way to the gym last week. As I think about it now, it's the kind of thing that just feels right. When I hear "what do you want for your birthday?" My honest answer is that I really can't think of much. My life is full, and I want to do these acts of kindness as a way to express my gratitude for what I already have.
For each act of kindness done in the world -- for another person, an organization, or what have you -- I plan to direct an act of kindness toward myself. If you don't fill your own cup, you have nothing to give to others, and the giving you try to do comes from a place of needing others to give to you.
What do YOU have to give, to share with the world?
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